Lost it again

HELP!
I am loosing it... Kids are playing in the livingroom. No one is there who I could talk to. I am like in a prison without window. The door vanishes as soon as it locks. What is putting me into this place?
I am a rational, intelligent person, so who is putting me here.
Give me my life back!

Don't leave me here rotting, dying. I grab the walls, they are cold, rough and do not move. This is no dream.
I am writing here so the world spirit can send someone to help me, tell me what to do.

Having problems seeing... Do not pitty yourself!!!
Stop pittying yourself!
Pitty myself instead! Hihihi.... Now humor comes back...
Can pull myself together and make lunch for the kids. They are sweet! Really!

Here a message, never sent:
Hi! Do you think you could get used to getting messages from me from time to time. No need to read them only an adress I could write to about my stupidities? Shit, I do need help and don't know if I want it. Since I learned there is no coincidence in life my weird mind is clinging to the idea you would have the tiny drop of water that I need in the desert.

Oh, forget what that stupid woman is writing, it will only ruin your peace... I am in only two pieces and with a bit more selfcontroll will manage both of them.