Its amazing

... how alienated one can be to oneself.
Reading after all that time what I wrote is like reading from someone I kind of knew once.
I understood but left her, cause she was getting a bit annoying.
You know, too intense, no sense for the personal space that you should give each other in order to avoid getting too involved.
Involved in feelings? Fears? Hopes?
One might get into physical touch with something yucky like disgusting feelings of somebody else, nauseous fears and abhorrent hopes.
Would need a wipe to clean yourself from.
Nay! Don't wanna have to do nothing with that kind of stuff!

I liked the post about the healing stuff, though.

So maybe I should ask myself  how I am doing...

'How are you doing lately?'

Well, getting there, I guess, the journey takes longer than expected.
I am very tired and hurting everywhere.
But I found out, I have never been left.
And that is amazing!

Birthday of my daughter!

And now this again!
The child has grown and I with her.
I also shrunk a bit... quite a bit though.
But what I lost I gave her to keep. Cause she is Future and me... well... stop this now!
We all leave footprints... even carbon ones. But footprints are done things, and she will be and
be later on as well and will be doing and leave footprints... even carbon ones.
Or she'll leave maybe even silver ones, or platinum or whatever.
I forgot to say she is my little footprint, that grew quite large and visible now for everyone to see and for me to be proud of.

Does that hurt? Does it?

Oh by the way: My job at school is almost done and I feel free to say: I feel free!

Back and new

? Healed? Hey, everbody reading my previous postings (especially those I deleted) will know I was going a bit off the road. I mean walking a bit off the road wouldn't harm many of us. But a few, yes. After walking through darkness I'm still a bit blinded by the light (thats a song as well). So I'm having difficulties making out more than shades and siluettes. But for now that'll do. Otherwise the sharpness of what I might see will cut my eyeballs out. It is bright summer now, but it feels like eternal spring. Never finished the painting, did ya?! So, slowly the waggon is rolling downhill again. Lets hope the speed it is gaining is sufficent to bring it up the next one.

Proud and Discipline

So what is it that makes me doing things I do?
I do things while not liking what I am doing. And still pull some sort of proud out of my discipline. Strange, this scentence of Martin the Complainer never leaves my mind. He said: "You are all working your arse off for this guy and too little money. He is yelling at you to move faster and you do and at the end of the day you are even proud of yourselfes."
He never saw the accomplishments beeing made that way.
But, what did I never see?

Hey you guys want to know how I am?
No, none of you is really interested, otherwise one would leave a comment.
Or is it, that so many comments are beeing send, that they don't fit through the door and got stuck....
Laughing about my own joke now...
?...
You are asking what joke? 
Well...

I tell you anyways how I am:
I am in the pole position!
The race is starting any moment and I only need one more point! Peanuts!

Life moves on

Look what happenes if one must cope with complete ignorance. Not even the faintest hint of will to understand the other person. She has got her view, has made up her mind and everything that follows is only an amusing show. For her.
Why is this world full of such people? Of people who seem to be unaware of the world they belong to.
They have cut themselfes off.
I think it is even the majority of the population, that is cut off, freefalling into the abbyss of eternity.
Nobody can say what is going to happen to them. Maybe the will remain in this suffering cirle forever.
But they are not suffering. They would say.
They don't even feel it...
But why this agressive undertone.....

Hey friends and numerous readers! Grinnnn...
Remember, the water you are drinking has been drunken, has filled the veins of trees and dinosaurs, has been in the stratosphere high up above. And now it runs down your throat, filling your body with life and joy.
Lets think what the molekules that we breath in every minute have been through. What is going to happen to them after we breath out? Will we ever see them again?
How can we kill a tree after understanding that it is it who gives us the oxigen to keep us alive?

Ouch, you will be asleep by now....
Drink a cup of coffee and think where it comes from...
Kisses!

Left again...

Gone. Thats good. And bad. Tears, doubts. I don't think it is important to stay always so close. Too much hurts and too many unwanted insults, misunderstanding.
Where does this leave the individual? Me?

Somebody says he has given me my identity...
Where is mine? Who gave it to me, where did I lose it.
Does that grow? Is it there from the beginning? Do we all have it? Do we have to?
I want one... I want to say like LaDonna Harris: "I know that I am part of something bigger than me."
I do not want to sit in my cinema alone anymore.

Experience

can be fantastic, shared, horrible, bitter and so many other things. Also interesting...
It is this matter of perception. Where do you stand, what did you eat the day before. Some would maybe say: it depends on how fried your fry bread has been...
But the thing that actually happened is anyhow always the same.
Am I beeing pilosophical today...
Well, waiting for a wee reply, aknowledgement .... making a difference of my experience...
Otherwise it will be a bitter one.

Oh how funny I am today again.